There once was a hobbit who lived in a hole...

How do people write stories?  How do they come up with a strong, sweeping plot and then fill it with colorful, profound characters and their experiences, thoughts, and actions?

This year I have been  recording the books that I am reading, and so far, I've read 20 new books.  These have ranged from Tina Fey's Bossypants to Daniel Mason's The Piano Tuner (my favorite thus far).  I've read a few that I didn't really like - or understand - for example, Helen Oyeyemi's The Opposite House.  I ask for reading suggestions from my coworkers, my friends, and my family, ensuring that I have a constantly growing list of "must-reads."

I have been constantly amazed at the ability of these authors to describe people, places, and experiences with a vividness that makes me believe that they have personally met and experienced those things.  One major example of this was when I read Life of Pi.  Obviously the author has never been stranded in the ocean with a tiger, but the way that he described the night sky and the depths of the ocean or even the carnivorous island was breathtaking.  How could he imagine those things in his head in such vividness and detail?

The creation of characters though is what really stirs me.  Right now I am reading a collection of short stories by Eudora Welty, and her characterization is incredible.  Does she know people like her characters or does she concoct these profound, complex, fascinating characters out of her own head?  How are they so typical and yet surprising at the same time?  And because they are short stories, Welty is required to paint their personalities quickly and in just a few words.  Jhumpa Lahiri does the same thing in a very different way - just as you are invested in her characters' lives, their stories are over leaving you wanting more.  You feel like you met them, that you were witness to their lives, their struggles, and their desires, and yet you are forced to move on.

I especially love novels and short stories that haunt you with a particular phrase or idea.  Lahiri's Interpreter of Maladies is a prime example based on the title character.  His job is a translator at a doctor's office - he listens to the patients and literally "interprets their maladies" to the doctor.  His second job is as a taxi driver, and once while chauffeuring a tourist family, he listens to the wife complain about exhaustion and disillusionment with her life and her family.  Finding his a sympathetic ear, she asks him what is wrong with her, and he nails her to the wall with the simple question "is it really pain that you feel, Mrs. Das, or is it guilt?".  Perhaps my favorite book I've read this year is Daniel Mason's The Piano Tuner.  I love it because it is vaguely historical, the main character is someone I would like to meet (and whose qualities I would like to possess myself or see in my future husband), and simply because it is well-written.  My favorite line in the book is when Edgar (the piano tuner) is describing his employer, a military doctor named Carroll.  He thinks "he would like to meet this Doctor; it is not often that one found such poetic words in the letters of military men.  And Edgar Drake had much respect for those who find song in responsibility."  May I ever be able to find a song in responsibility.

The reason I named this post after the first line in Tolkien's The Hobbit is because I have thrown around the idea of writing my own story.  The problem is that I have no story, no idea of what I would put on the page.  Fortunately, there is time.  Time to continue reading and learning from those who have gone before and have been successful.  Time to be inspired, to observe those around me, to be aware of the world in which I live, and to remember the beautiful and the ugly.  J.R.R. Tolkien started with a simple phrase, and over the course of several decades this phrase blossomed into an epic.  C.S. Lewis also, beginning with the image of a lamppost in the woods and a fawn standing nearby, has immortalized himself through the stories born out of investigating this image.  Right now, all I have is the name of a town, Moncks Corner, that sounds like the setting of a story, but what kind and how long and of whom is still a mystery to me.  And maybe I'll never write fiction, but I hope that I will never cease to be inspired by the talented and provoking storytellers that have gone before.

Firefly Butts

A few minutes later, Unc walked up next to me and hung his arms across the fence railing.  In his hand he held an empty mason jar with holes punched in the lid.  He stood there a long time turning the jar.  Inside, a single lightning bug fluttered off the sides of the glass. Every five or six seconds, he'd light his lantern.  Unc turned the jar in his hand.  "Scientists say that these things evolved this way over millions of years."  He shook his head.  "That's a bunch of bunk.  I don't think an animal can all-of-a-sudden decide it wants to make light grow out its butt.  What kind of nonsense is that? Animals don't make light."  He pointed to the stars.  "God does that.  I don't know why or how, but I'm pretty sure it's not chance.  It's not some haphazard thing he does in his spare time."

He looked at me, and his expression changed from one of wonder to seriousness, to absolute conviction.  "Chase, I don't believe in chance."  He held up the jar.  "This is not chance, neither are the stars."

I was hurting inside, and the streaks shining on my face didn't scratch the surface at telling how much.

He tapped me gently in the chest.  "And neither are you.  So, if your mind is telling you that God slipped up and might have made one giant mistake when it comes to you, you remember the firefly's butt."

The laughter walked up behind me, wrapped around my tummy, and tickled my ribs, finally bubbling out of my mouth - taking the hurt parts with it.  That's something Unc was good at.  He gave me his laughter and took my pain.

...

That night, I lay in bed watching my stars swim around inside the glass and light my room in flashes.  Before he turned out my light, Unc squatted next to my bed and tucked me in.  It was growing colder, so he wrapped me in a cocoon and pushed the hair off my face.  "I'm pretty sure that if your dad had read those ads and could have answered them, he would have.  And in my book, no matter what the state says or does, he still can."  He tapped the lid of the jar.  "If God can make a firefly's butt light up like a star, then anything is possible.  Anything."

Chasing Fireflies by Charles Martin (pg. 182-184)

Love what you do, do what you love...

I realized the other day that I haven't found what I love to do yet.  I hope that I'll love teaching, but I don't know for sure if I will.  I realized this because lately several people have told me how much they love what they are doing right now.  Kasey loves being a graduate student, she loves studying history, doing research, teaching, and the idea of writing a book.  Jeff loves seminary.  He says that it's been a life-changing experience, and he loves every minute of his life out in St. Louis.  Matt absolutely loved his time abroad.  He loves studying languages, and he's so good at it.

I haven't found that yet.  I do love history, but sometimes I wonder what else I could do.  I didn't hate graduate school, but I didn't love it either.  I was good at it, but I am pretty sure that I don't want to continue in that direction.  And I'm afraid that I'll hate teaching or that I won't be good at it.    I know I have to try it to know for sure, but part of me doesn't even want to try.  I want to do something interesting that means something, that influences people, and that I love.  What if that isn't teaching high school history?  I just wish I could jump in with both feet like my brothers do.

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

Psalm 27: 13-14

Run the Race

Last summer, Bob Collins challenged me to start running.  He said that I would be a good middle-distance runner and that I should sign up for some 5K runs.  I did start running, using the Couch-2-5k program, but I didn't get the chance to run any races until this spring.  Then I ran two in a month, and now I'm hooked.

The first 5K I ran was a Color Run.  It was so much fun!  They don't time you and there are so many people running that there is no pressure on finishing at a certain pace or even running.  Hayes was my running buddy for this race, and we were appropriately covered in color by the end.  It was a complete blast!

Color Run Atlanta 2013

The second run I did was at the beginning of May.  My friend Kasey's aunt died earlier this semester, and some of her aunt's friends organized a run to raise money for the kids.  I knew this was really important to Kasey, so I told her I would run it with her.  We went down to Enterprise, MS, after leaving Starkville at 5:15 am in order to get there for the race's start at 8:00.  It was a beautiful run, and the weather was perfect!  I was able to run most of it, only walking for two short stretches, and I finished in about 40 minutes.  After we burned all those calories, we replenished them at Cracker Barrel.  It was a great way to spend a Saturday!

Fight Like a Girl 5K

I've told Susie that we are going to run a 5K this summer together.  I'm keeping my eyes open for one that is nearby and cheap to register.  Hopefully this will keep me motivated to run over the summer.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the price?  So run that you may obtain it.

1 Corinthians 9:24

The End of an Era

How can I have a Master's Degree?  I am only 24 years old!  It's hard to believe, but I am so thankful for my time at Mississippi State.  I made great friends, I learned a lot about history and about how to be an adult, and I graduated debt free!  All the glory goes to God because without Him, I would not have accomplished any of this.  

It's strange to think that I am done with school.  I'm sure that I will take some individual classes in the future, but I don't think I'll ever be a full-time student again.  It's simultaneously a relief and a little scary.  I have no idea what God has in store for me over the next year, but I'm excited to find out, and I'm trying to trust Him to guide me and create opportunities for me.  Not having homework, though, now that's GREAT!  

I want to teach high school history at a Christian school.  That's my dream.  I want to be able to talk about sin and grace and sovereignty in the context of history because, as Christians, we need to look at past events through the lens of Scripture just as much as current and future ones.  I'm reading Francis Schaeffer's How Should We Then Live? right now, and I think that it is helping me wrap my mind around some of these ideas.  I definitely want to incorporate all or some of the book into my classes.  

On the other hand, the idea of moving somewhere and finding something temporary to do is also appealing.  The idea of having a career for the rest of my life is a little daunting in its seeming permanence, and having another year to goof around (not exactly what I mean) might be nice.  Although, maybe it's time to grow up and be an adult with an adult job.  We'll see what this summer holds, and if I have a full-time teaching job, then I'll go that route, but if not, then I'll have a little adventure.  Both situations would be an adventure, actually. 

Thus says the Lord: "Stand at the crossroads, and look, 

and ask for the ancient paths, 

where the good way is; and walk in it,

 and find rest for your souls."

Jeremiah 6:16

Waverly Plantation

On Tuesday my Material Culture class went on a field trip!!  I felt like I had reverted back to 5th grade, and it was a blast!  We are studying plantation landscapes and material culture, and so we visited one of the local plantations homes: Waverly Plantation in West Point.  Here are some pictures of the house and grounds:

The house was beautiful - it needed a serious paint job and some tlc - but it was gorgeous.  The grounds were also really pretty.  The current owners have let the gardens look natural, rather than having distinct beds or planned designs.  They also have a bunch of peacocks, which is kind of odd, but the birds are beautiful and so impressive when they present their feathers.  

The tour was strange, to put it lightly.  The Snow family lives in the house, and they basically hide when tours come through.  Our tour guide was one of the most awkward people I've ever met.  He kept pausing after every sentence, like he wanted us to applaud or something.  He also acted out several of his stories, which was just plain weird.  Apparently, Waverly is unique because it actively tries to ignore the slave presence.  Our guide kept talking about the "servants" and he didn't want to tell us where the old slave quarters had been.  It was a very watered down version of antebellum history.  

Regardless, it was great to get out of the classroom, and to see some of the things we've been talking about in front of us.  After our tour, we came back to Starkville and got drinks and appetizers at Mugshots which was a great way to unwind.  All in all, an interesting and good day 

Culture of Grace in St. Louis

This past week was my spring break, and I spent four of my days off in St. Louis with Jeff.  It was really fun and pretty laid-back.  Jeff took me to the St. Louis Arch, a casino, and on a driving tour of downtown St. Louis.  I attended classes with him and went with him to tutor some Burmese refugee children.  While he was at work, I hung out at his house and did my own homework or chatted with his roommates.

Driving up there was an adventure.  I took I-55 the entire way, which meant that I didn't get lost and that I could set the cruise control at 75 mph and just go for 6 hours.  I got to drive through Memphis, which was the most complicated part of the trip, and the Arkansas delta before I came upon the rolling farmland of southwestern Missouri.  All in all, it was a beautiful drive.  The delta region was incredibly flat - huge farms for as far as the eye could see.  I drove past one town that had less than 400 people living there.  I don't know where the people there buy their groceries or go out to eat.  There really was nothing there.  Missouri has really pretty farmland.  Rolling hills, red barns, white farmhouses... It was beautiful.  On the way home I stopped for a minute at a really neat Catholic church that was perched in the middle of a small farming community.

 

It was so great to see Jeff and to hang out with him, but being on Covenant's campus and spending time with his roommates and the girls I stayed with made me realize just how spiritually empty Starkville can be.  I have good friends here, and I have loved my chats with Kasey and Amber, but it's just not the same as being surrounded by people who all desire to go into ministry and who are striving with everything that they are to serve and know God.  It's such an amazing and encouraging environment!

I also attended class with Jeff.  Greek was boring, but his Covenant Theology and Apologetics & Outreach classes were really interesting.  I had an "aha!" moment in Covenant Theology regarding infant baptism and the concept of "the people of God."  The professor for Apologetics was probably the nicest, sweetest, most loving, caring person I have ever encountered.  I could have just sat and listened to him for hours.  The day that I was there, he was telling the class about his garden, and it sounds absolutely incredible.  I've been inspired to have extensive flower gardens in my own yard someday.

The students in Apologetics were giving presentations on a book they had read, in this case, a biography of Francis Schaeffer.  The book sounded interesting, in general, but one of the presenters said something in his own personal testimony that really hit home with me.  He said that he grew up in a home where his parents created a "culture of grace" where he was never afraid to come to them with questions to to admit to wrong-doing.  He said that his parents assured him of their love for him and their grace and mercy when he had sinned.  I was struck by how wonderful a home that must have been and how much I want to create a similar "culture" in my own home someday.   I even think that that is something I can strive for in my classroom as well.  What an amazing thing to strive for in all my relationships!

Anyway, I basically came away from the trip refreshed and really hoping that I can find a job in St. Louis.  I want to mooch off of Jeff's friendships and connections, and be a part of that amazing community even if it is only on the periphery.  Plus, he could set me up with a roommate.  St. Louis has a lot to offer, and I really miss being around my siblings.

So, God, I don't know what you have planned for me for next year, but it would be really amazing if I could get a job in St. Louis.  No matter what though, I know that you are in control, and I trust you to help me find the right job in the right place where I can serve the people you bring into my life.  Thanks for having a plan that is bigger and better than I can even imagine. :)

Paradox of Discipleship

"They live in their own countries, but only as nonresidents; they participate in everything as citizens, and endure everything as foreigners."

[http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justintaylor/2012/11/27/christianity-where-every-foreign-country-is-fatherland-and-every-fatherland-is-foreign/]

For fun

The girls in the history department recently found a fun way to decompress and have some fun at the end of a long week - we go to a small shop in town and paint pottery!  I've been twice.  The first time I painted two coasters, and last week I painted a mug.  It is really nice to be able to do something that isn't reading or researching every so often!  This place is really neat too.  They have all kinds of paint and glazes - so you can experiment with different looks.  All the employees are really friendly and helpful.  And even though I'm not very artistic, it's still a lot of fun, and somehow it's pretty hard to mess up.  You do have to be careful though, sometimes the finished project looks completely different from how it looks before it's fired.  Anyway, everyone's Christmas gifts might be handmade by yours truly this year. :)

Fried Catfish & Banjo Music

Fried Catfish

This weekend the History department at Mississippi State is hosting a national conference honoring the 150th anniversary of the Morrill Land Grant Act of 1862 - the federal grant that provided the money to start universities like MSU.  The department head, Dr. Marcus, invited all of the visiting professors as well as the entire history department, including grad students, to his house for a good old southern catfish fry.  I decided to go because, well, free food, and also because this summer several people asked me how the culture is different in Mississippi than it is in South Carolina, and I didn't know what to say.  I've been asking around about Mississippi culture, and I've been told that catfish is the local specialty.  So I had to give it a try.

Fried Green Tomatoes

Well, not only did we have freshly fried catfish, but we ate hush puppies, fried green tomatoes, and baked beans.  (Yes, all the food was the same color - so much for vegetables...)  It was all delicious, but I think I'll be okay waiting a while before I have it again.

Hush Puppies

While we were mingling and schmoozing with the visiting professors, one of the Ph.D. candidates, Alan Harrellson, provided the evening entertainment by playing the banjo.  And he is amazing!  He was part of a bluegrass gospel band, and they were nominated for an Emmy a couple years ago.  It's really fun to watch him play because he clearly loves it, and he has all his music memorized.

Baked Beans

Needless to say, it was a cultural evening.  Good local food, great southern music, lively history chatter.  It was a lot of fun!  I was hoping to have even more cultural experiences this week - the conference is taking a group of people to the Delta to go see a cotton gin, eat at a historical commissary, and visit a blues club.  I've heard the the Delta is quite an experience, and that it is unlike any other place in the USA.  Unfortunately, none of other grad students wanted to go/had time to go on the trip, and I didn't feel comfortable going by myself, so I'm foregoing the experience this time.  Hopefully I will make it out to the Delta before I graduate and leave  Mississippi.  We'll see!

It's terrible, but it made me smile...

Just keep swimming...

Bucket List

My good friend Mesha is writing a blog, and one of her posts included her bucket list.  She encouraged her readers to create their own lists, and this is my attempt to do so:

(these are in no particular order)

1. Travel to Central and Eastern Europe
2. See the Northern lights
3. Adopt a child from another country
4. Visit Peru (especially Macchu Picchu)
5. Go to Prague
6. Go to Italy
7. Make homemade jam
8. Have my own personal library in my house
9. To go Broadway plays
         Les Miserables
         Wicked
         Lion King
         Beauty and the Beast
         Phantom of the Opera
10. Live in New England
11. Get a puppy
12. Go to Africa
13. Build my own house
14. Fall in love
15. Have a family
16. Teach high school history
17. Get my MA in history
18. Teach history abroad
19. Run the Cooper River Bridge Run
20. Learn how to play the violin or cello
21. Learn to dance
22. Memorize more Bible verses
23. Record all the books I read
24. Go on a home exchange vacation
25. Learn another language
26. Work at a living history museum
27. Go on a foreign mission trip
             Ecuador
             Guatemala
             Tanzania
28. Go apple picking
29. Go to a hot air balloon festival
30. Graduate from college
31. Travel to Western Europe (again)
32.  Have a garden
33.  Take cooking lessons
34.  Help someone learn to love history
35.  Be bold when sharing the Gospel


I'm sure there is more, but this is all I can think of right now.  :)

How to Read in Grad School

Reading becomes an art (or a science?) in grad school.  Mostly because without the proper technique, it is impossible to read everything that is assigned.  Unfortunately, everyone has different strategies, so it is a process of trial-and-error to find the one that works for you.  I am still  working on this.  I like to read every word -- partly because I get caught up in the narrative and forget to read for the argument and partly because I am afraid I will miss something important.  

The other challenge is to read actively and to critique the historian's argument while reading.  This can get complicated when you have books that are about the same topic but seem mutually exclusive.  A verse in Proverbs expresses this dilemma perfectly: 

The one who states his case first seems right, 

until the other comes and examines him.

Proverbs 18:17 

This semester I not only have to read some thirty books for the classes that I am taking, but I also have to read for my comprehensive exams in the spring.  These reading lists will probably end up requiring me to read over one hundred books.  This is where reading strategies come in handy.  Anyway, I was reading one of my comps books, and I came across these reading tips from an 18th-century German educator.  I thought they were amusing...

You should never read while standing or after having finished a meal.  Instead, you should wash your face with cold water and take your book outdoors, where you can read it in the bosom of nature - and aloud, for the sound of the voice facilitates the penetration of ideas.  But most important, you should have the right spiritual disposition.  Instead of responding passively to the text, you should throw yourself into it, seize its meaning, and apply it to your own life. "We must relate everything we read to our 'I,' reflect on everything from our personal point of view, and never lose sight of the consideration that study makes us freer and more independent, and that it should help us find an outlet for the expression of our heart and mind." (Robert Darnton from Johann Adam Berg's manual on reading)

Only a week?!?

I moved back to Starkville last Saturday, and I already feel like I've been here an entire month.  Because my arrival was delayed due to car troubles, my adjustment week was smooshed into one weekend and Monday.  I felt like I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

This semester is going to be jam-packed.  I have two reading intensive classes and one research intensive class as well as three 50+ book reading lists that I have to get through in order to be prepared for my comprehensive exams next spring.  It's insane!  Add teaching two discussion sections, grading 50+ exams, quizzes, and papers, and at least three weekly meetings, and this semester is going to keep me hopping.  I won't be bored...

The challenge this semester will be to keep my relationship with God at the center of my crazy busy life.  Making time to have a quiet time and to mediate on God's Word daily will be a challenge when I have graded work due every day, but that's my goal.  The Bible promises that if we seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, then all these things will be added to us.  Everything else should pale in comparison with knowing the God of the universe and my Savior.  I pray that God will be first in my life regardless of how stressed I am, how busy I am, or even how sleepy I am.

In Christ Alone

I ask great things of a great God

A couple weeks ago a friend told me that it was often during the times that we expected God to do the least that He in fact does the most.  I had been complaining about my upcoming year at grad school and how I couldn't wait to finish and move on to the next, more interesting stage of my life.  Her reminder resonated with me, and I have been thinking about it since, knowing that I needed to hear it and to quit limiting God to my own feeble imagination.  Then, this week at Shannon Forest Christian School, a couple of the women who work in the office were making bulletin boards, and this was one of the verses they chose to display on the wall: 

I was immediately reminded of the advice I had been given weeks before, and I thought "I need to memorize this verse and plaster it all over my house, car, and office, so that I will remember that God has big plans for me even though I forget sometimes."  What an awesome God we have that even the furthest reaches of our imagination cannot even begin to understand what God wants to do in our lives!  Of course, He reminds us of this throughout the Bible, in verses like Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  Or Ephesians 2:10, For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.  Jesus promises to do great things through his disciples in John 14:12-14 saying,  "Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father.  Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it."  

I think I need an attitude adjustment, as my dad says.  I need to quit thinking about the upcoming year in negative terms and start trusting that God has something amazing in store for me.  I can't limit God to my own human limitations; instead, I should trust him to do more than I could ever even begin to imagine.

When thou art present, evil cannot abide;

In thy fellowship is fullness of joy,

Beneath thy smile is peace of conscience,

By thy side no fears disturb,

no apprehensions banish rest of mind,

With thee my heart shall bloom with fragrance;

Make me meet, through repentance, for thine indwelling.

Nothing exceeds thy power,

Nothing is too great for thee to do,

Nothing too good for thee to give.

Infinite is thy might, boundless thy love,

limitless thy grace, glorious thy saving name...

I ask great things of a great God.

(The Valley of Vision)

Paradigm Shift

Why History?

The reconstruction of worlds is one of the historian's most important tasks.  He undertakes it, not from some strange urge to dig up archives and sift through old papers, but because he wants to talk with the dead.  By putting questions to documents and listening for replies, he can sound dead souls and take the measure of the societies they inhabited.  If we lost all contact with the worlds we have lost, we would be condemned to live in a two-dimensional, time-bound present, and our own world would turn flat.

- Robert Darnton

Movin' to Mississippi

Several months ago I blogged about how I did not get into my #1 graduate school. It has been a crazy past few months, but it's also been amazing to see how everything has worked out. The weekend before finals, I went to MSU to present my Community of Scholars research at a history conference. The next week, the professor who organized the conference sent me an email informing me that there was a graduate assistantship available for the fall and that I should apply. So I did. And I got in. And now I'm moving to Mississippi in less than two weeks. I feel a little bit like I'm flying by the seat of my pants, but so far everything has worked out: I found an apartment, a church, and I'm working on accumulating furniture. It doesn't feel like much has changed; however, I know that once my first electric bill comes in, I may change my mind about this whole adult thing.

So, I will be pursuing a Masters in History with a focus on American and European history. I have a teaching assistantship which not only covers tuition but provides me with a living stipend and the chance to get some classroom experience. I found an apartment complex that is full of graduate/medical/international students. There is even a PCA church about a mile from my apartment. I'm excited!

It always amazes me to see God's plan unfold. I had a plan, and then I had a new plan, and now I'm confident that I'm in God's plan. It's good to know that He is sovereign and knows what He is doing because I sure don't.